you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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