Who wears a wallet chain?!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
