he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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