Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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