the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
