i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
