i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
