What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
