Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
