saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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