Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
