I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
