dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
