Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
