I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
YAS. BRING CRAB.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
