You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
