I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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