Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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