hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
