so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
