I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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