How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
