WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
