Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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