We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
