Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I bet he comes in French.
Is it because I queefed?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
