i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
