I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
