Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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