Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
