I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
