that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Alive.
So much puke
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
