u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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