Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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