Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
