a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You were trust falling into bushes
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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