I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
