yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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