I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
