Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
