Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
