all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
