new low.... made out with someone while peeing
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
