remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
