as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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