Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We left the knife in your bed.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
