I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
