I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
