dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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