Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
