I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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